@nascarcasm: The throwback paint scheme everyone will like
By @nascarcasm | Friday, May 7, 2021
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Paint schemes have long divided race fans. Especially the throwback paint schemes that are unveiled leading up to the races at Darlington Raceway's Throwback Weekend. Is it possible to design a scheme that everyone approves of? Yes. And here it is.
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Designing a throwback paint scheme isn’t as easy as just replicating a look from the 60s or 70s. Well, actually it can be, but I don’t want to just copy the work of others. I want to combine aspects from all of NASCAR’s different eras into one singular piece of art. So I present to you a visual homage to the sport’s history that absolutely everyone will agree is amazing. Without further ado, here is …
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… THE THROWBACK PAINT SCHEME THAT EVERYONE WILL LIKE. I’ll give you a moment to revel in its beauty … OK I hope you’re done reveling, because now we’re going to take a tour of this amazing time capsule on four wheels.
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Let’s face it – one aspect of NASCAR’s history that is sorely lacking today is the number of drivers that smoke cigars before the race. Red Byron did it. Richard Petty did it. Big, fat stogies the size of a bratwurst. That’s why on the grille we came up with a design that makes it look like the car itself is smoking a cigar. Looks sophisticated, like famous cigar smokers of the past. Winston Churchill. George Burns. Fred Flintstone.
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On the hood, we have a mirror image of Dale Earnhardt Sr. The sport’s perennial bad-ass. This hood is designed specifically for aerial shots. As this race car blows past other lesser competitors on track, it looks like The Intimidator is flashing them a look that says “That’s all you got?” Damn, it’s good.
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The top of the car was the ideal place to run a vintage advertisement for NASCAR’s birthplace – The Streamline Hotel in Daytona. It’s where Bill France Sr. convened the famous meeting of drivers, promoters, and other folks to form what we know today as NASCAR. As for the name across the windshield, it’s how moonshine runners used to keep a low profile.
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The rear decklid is where we acknowledge NASCAR’s most innovative crew chief of all time. That would be Smokey Yunick. And much like one of his cars, we made it look like there’s 600 feet of extra fuel line in there.
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The rear of the car is where we represent NASCAR’s roots – moonshine running. The message reads “IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I DIDN’T SOUP THIS THING UP FAST ENOUGH TO OUTRUN YOU, MR. OFFICER, AND THAT MAKES ME VERY SAD.”
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Now on to the passenger side. We couldn’t have a throwback without imagery of Tim Flock and his pet rhesus monkey, Jocko Flocko. RIP Jocko. You always ride with us in spirit. #GoneTooSoon
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In the fledgling days of NASCAR, pit stops were not nearly as fast as they are now. So we placed an image of one these vintage stops on the right-side door, along with what the crew chief was maybe saying at the time. Say the team stumbles a bit and has a pit stop of 14 seconds or higher. Seeing this might make them feel better.
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Beneath the A-post is this picture of Richard Petty playing softball. There is no design reason why this photo is here. But we weren’t not going to use this classic, NFT-worthy image of The King about to send one into the right field stands.
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NASCAR of course ran on the beaches of Daytona before Daytona International Speedway was constructed. That’s why above either wheel, we’ve placed a texture of beach sand to mimic the sand buildup that likely formed in the wheel wells back in the day. We also placed an image of a crab confused why he’s now stuck to a race car. We assume that happened often.
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The C-post area is where we acknowledge NASCAR’s greatest old-school mustaches. The thick, hirsute soup strainers that adorned many an upper lip. On the passenger side, we acknowledge Derrike Cope. On the B-post, an image of 8-bit Bill Elliott from 1991’s “Bill Elliott’s NASCAR Challenge” video game because, well, “B” for Bill. Quite the 8-bit perm.
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The right rear quarter panel is a touching collage of the most awkward-looking mug shots that we could find on the Internet of recent NASCAR Hall-Of-Fame inductees. Dustache Jeff Gordon, Yawning Dale Earnhardt Jr., Bobby Labonte Looking Like A James Bond Villain, they’re all here.
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Under the driver’s window is our favorite aspect of this design. Here we place a shoulders-down image of Red Byron strapped into his race car. This way, it looks from the outside like the driver in the car is as bad-ass as red Byron – white suit, military hero, grime-covered race goggles, war-injured leg physically strapped to the clutch pedal, all of that. If they want to add to the look, the driver can fire up a cigar. (See slide with grille)
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The other C-post honors the other greatest mustache of all time – Rodney Combs. No, that’s not Tom Selleck or John Oates. That’s Rodney freaking Combs, OK.
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That concludes our tour of the Throwback Paint Scheme Everyone Will Like. I’m very glad you like it. If you don’t, well, that’s not possible.